A Winning Day for Dennis

Client Dennis L. and RST Haleem Goode enjoyed a Tiger’s game at Comerica Park on April 22nd compliments of Buckfire & Buckfire P.C. Attorneys at Law in Southfield. Dennis's Tiger tickets were part of a contest give-away that the firm sponsored for persons with TBI and SCI. To enter the contest, individuals with a TBI or SCI had to be nominated by a caregiver or someone involved in their rehabilitation. When Troy Recreational Therapist Shannon Zalobsky heard about the contest she immediately nominated Dennis. “He’s a BIG Tiger’s fan, but it’s not always possible for him to catch a game each season,” she said. “He was so thrilled to win and had an amazing time at the game!”

Relax...

By: Rebecca Cowell and Joyce Krause

“Sometimes the most productive thing you can do is to relax”  Mark Black

And what better way to relax than to gaze at a beautiful scene. Jamal Bell, a student at Special Tree's  Livonia Student Center and budding artist, along with the organizational help of Christopher Waterman painted a lovely scene on one of the ceiling tiles in the new relaxing massage therapy room at the NeuroCare Center North. Imagine this: entering the dimly lit womb like room, with a comfortable place to set your body as you recline on the plush massage table you are drawn to gazing up at the tropical oasis encouraging you to take a deep breathe for maybe the first time of the day. Your mind is invited to wander with soothing music and therapeutic touch as you escape into the tropical paradise of sun, sand and soothing waters. Ahhhhhh, great work Jamal!

Jamal and Chris brighten up the Livonia Student Center with artwork for the Discover! Summer Program

Jamal's tile from the view of the massage table at the NeuroCare Center

A Job Well Done

Midland Administrative Assistant Kim Campbell needed an extra box Kleenex on her desk when she came into work on May 24^th.  That was her last official day of being a job mentor to Jordon, a 23-year-old student from Midland Public School’s Post-secondary Transition Program for students with special needs. 

Since September, Kim has worked closely with Jordan two mornings a week at Special Tree on developing skills to help her transition to a paying job in the community.  Jordan impressed Kim right away by how quickly she got her work routine down, which includes light clerical work like filing, faxing, and Xeroxing, “Jordan took her responsibilities at Special Tree very seriously and did an amazing job,” said Kim.  

More importantly, Kim saw tremendous growth in Jordan’s self-confidence as she learned to work independently and communicate with staff and clients more easily.  “Kim helped me a lot,” said Jordan.  Kim was especially thrilled when Jordan recently shared the good news that she was hired for a part-time position in a daycare.  “I’m so happy for her. It makes me feel like I did my job as a role model,” said Kim.  Jordan is the second student Kim has mentored from the program and she’s looking forward to working with a new student in the fall.  “It’s a good feeling to help these kids grow.”   

Kim and Jordon take a break from working on Jordon's last day

I Thought He Walked on Water...

Many years ago my mother was on her front porch which faces a lake.  My father was down by the lake doing work.  A few moments had passed when my mom heard my father shout up to her “Look Syl, I told you I could walk on water.”  As my mother turned, sure enough, there was my father walking across the lake.  

What I have left out of this story is the fact that it was the dead of winter.  His ability to walk on water was just an illusion.  My mother was actually on the porch to watch over my father as he needed to walk on our lake for one reason or another.  Being a good partner, my mother watched, intently taking care of her own needs on the porch yet, at the ready to provide support to my father if need be.   Having been in relationship with my father for many, many years my mother came to know a few things:  She believed in her heart my dad could walk on water.  She knew the importance of showing and telling him that she believed in him.  Having seen him “fall” into the very water he walked on she knew he was human – had disappointed her in the past and would likely do it again in the future.  She knew that accepting him for who he was while maintaining a sense of who she was is what kept her with the man who still gave her goose bumps after all their years together.  She also knew she wanted to throttle him about 200 times a day.

So why is that?  Why do we fall in love with and/or attract people who drive us completely crazy?  Why do we begin with Superman or Superwoman only to end up with Clark Kent or Lois Lane?   One source of answers comes from Imago Relationship Therapy.  In the book titled Getting The Love You Want: A Guide for Couples Dr. Harville Hendrix (1988) explains “each one of us is compulsively searching for a mate with a very particular set of positive and negative personality traits (p. 8).  Typically, the negative traits are more influential (p. 34).”  Most people are “attracted to someone who has the predominant character traits of the people who raised us (p. 14).”  According to Dr. Hendrix, co-founder of Imago Relationship Therapy, most people seek out people with particular traits in an effort to heal old childhood wounds inflicted upon them by their primary caregivers. 

So then why does my mate or friend change from what I was initially attracted to?  Your mate or friend does not necessarily change.  They are who they always were. Their best self is what was experienced in the beginning of relationship coupled with your unconscious projections of what was desired to be seen in them.  In the beginning of any relationship there is risk of seeing what one would like to see in a person; the characteristics that were yearned for in one’s primary caregivers.  Because the negative traits in caregivers may have caused wounds, many individuals subconsciously seek someone to heal those wounds.  According to Dr. Hendrix’s and Helen LaKelly Hunt’s theory the brain is trying to “re-create the conditions of your upbringing, in order to correct them” (p. 31). So, in the beginning of many relationships both participants are on their best behavior and typically both participants have on rose colored glasses that were obtained in childhood. Those “glasses” alter their perception of the very person standing in front of them.  Once your mate relaxes and no longer feels the need to put their best foot forward and the rose tint on the glasses begins to fade what is left is a mixture of a person very much like the people experienced in childhood.  Yes, you are back at square one!  What is that saying about never being able to go home again…?      

Why do I get so frustrated with my mate?  Many people who have traits that had to be repressed, disowned, or erected in childhood are attracted to those same traits in others.  Therefore, many people seek out individuals who have parts of themselves intact that they themselves do not.  For example:  If a person is shy they may be attracted to a person who is social.  When Shy was growing up he may have been told to be quiet, that his presence did not matter.  Shy therefore disowned the parts of himself that were outgoing and social.  When Shy met Social he felt like life had been breathed into him.  Social’s outgoing ways appealed to Shy and he felt drawn to them.  A part of him that was disowned had now returned and was being expressed albeit though this other person. 

Over time, Shy came to resent Social because Social was exhibiting traits Shy was not allowed to express as a child.  Shy tried to quell Social because Shy learned as a child that expansive traits were potentially dangerous.  It meant that caregivers would disapprove or worse, possibly abandon.  Now these traits expressed by Social irritated Shy and triggered a fear response in Shy because Shy unconsciously associated the feeling with past events not with what was happening in the present.  At times, fear may be expressed as anger.  Shy became angry with Social in his attempt to subconsciously keep both he and Social safe.  Shy sounded and acted like his critical parent and begin being critical towards Social.  Social resented Shy for trying to change her and became confused and hurt as to why her once loved trait is now so unlovable. 

If Shy and Social are not able to successfully communicate and understand where each are coming from the relationship may ultimately end unless each are dedicated enough to the relationship to work to heal themselves and help to heal each other.  If left unchecked, the likelihood of each person recreating this same scenario in a new relationship is quite probable.

 So what can you do?  A beginning would be to read the book Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples.  Another option is checking out the Imago Relationships International website: www.gettingtheloveyouwant.com

Keep in mind the qualities we do not like in others are typically qualities we ourselves hold (or maybe repressed, disowned…). 

Hendrix, H. H. (1998). Getting the love your want: A guide for couples. New York: Henry Holt

Rebecca Cowell, MS, LLP, CBIS, BCBA, CIRT

Limited License Psychologist

Board Certified Behavior Analyst

Certified Imago Relationship Therapist

Dear Friends...

From CEO, Joe Richert, Spring 2012 Special Edition

I hope you’re enjoying spring as much as I enjoyed our mild winter! It made for excellent construction conditions as our crew renovated and retro-fitted a significant portion of our old NeuroCare Center into a 15 bed program, which we will hopefully open in mid-July. The general contractor on the job is a long time friend of mine, Mike Zaborowski. I worked for Mike over 30 years ago as a carpenter, my first job just after our wedding! I saw him on a Saturday recently in the area that he and I added onto in 1982 and I told him that at least in our lifetimes, this will be the last time we’re going to be reworking that area.

In other expansion news, we recently purchased a six bed community residence in a very nice part of Southfield. We’re also excited that Advantage Mobility Outfitters is finally going to have a location on a main road. We were able to purchase a former Mitsubishi dealership on Michigan Avenue, across from Mark Chevrolet, in Wayne.

Finally, construction wise, Jim Richert and I are now focusing on further developing the exterior elements of our NeuroCare Campus, which will include a greenhouse, a pedestrian plaza and other exciting features. Both staff and clients will have even more opportunities to enjoy the beautiful wetlands surrounding the Campus.

Still waiting for official word from the CARF recertification team who came to Special Tree on April 26th and 27th, but I can confidently report that they were very impessed, especially with how well the staff interacted with eachother and with our clients.   As one surveyor said to me, "You can't fake that!"

On the Auto No-Fault front, no legislation has passed, however we are anticipating a push at the end of April. If nothing happens by then, it appears that we will be in the high political season and campaign mode so probably no further action until the fall. Special Tree will be well reprepresented in Lansing on May 16th for “Capital Day” which is sponsored by the BIAMI and the Michigan Brain Injury Provider Council. Special Tree leaders will be meeting with a number of members of the House of Representatives and State Senators to express concerns about legislation that would negatively impact our Auto No-Fault system. Regretfully, the Motorcycle Helmet Repeal Bill passed and was signed into law by the Governor. I have seen the statistics in other states, for example, Florida, where the repeal law was passed and sadly enough, the fatalities were up very significantly. Let’s hope most folks choose to continue to wear a helmet.

That’s it for me for now. Go Wings! Go Tigers!

Sincerely,

Joe

Take Me Out To The Ballgame

We've finally made it, spring is here. And nothing welcomes longer days and warmer temperatures  like a trip to the ballpark. This past weekend clients Darin H., and Loren K., from Moravian West set out to Comerica Park to cheer on the Tiger's as they took on the Texas Rangers. The afternoon game came to a close with beautiful blue skies, smiles and a Tiger's victory, 3-2 over the Rangers.



Daren and Loren show off their Tiger's gear before heading in for the game.

Darin, Joanne, Loren and Jennifer take a break from cheering on the Tiger's for a picture at Comerica Park.

TBI Awareness Day At Ann Visger Elementary

“This is awesome!”  That’s how one elementary student summed up the Brain Injury Awareness Day that Special Tree organized for 300 students at Ann Visger Elementary in River Rouge on March 29 in honor of Brain Injury Awareness Month.  Speech Language Pathologists Lauren G. (NCC), Sara K. (Troy), Mary Lynn C. (NCC Intern), Vocational Coordinator Sara L., Day Treatment Services Team Member Danielle C., client James P, and Joe R., planned a full day of activities in the school’s new library just one month after its grand opening on Leap Day. 

Classes came down each hour and were split into rotating groups with each group focusing on a specific part of the brain. Kids participated in a variety of activities to help them learn which parts of the brain were responsible for skills like balance, vision, taste, smell, and touch.  Special Tree also purchased 10 bicycle helmets as prizes for drawing held throughout the day. The students not only learned about brain anatomy, but the Special Tree Team really stressed the importance of TBI prevention including wearing a seat belt and bicycle helmet.

The Special Tree Team takes a quick break from a day of educational fun at Ann Visger Elementary